Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
farters have to be the big spoon...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
