Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
