If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
