i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
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i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
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I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sobbing to NWA
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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