Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
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Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
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Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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