the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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