also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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