I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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