Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
