I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
