can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void