I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
