my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.