Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.