Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris