Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
