I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.