You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
A+ Viking dick