I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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