dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
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Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
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Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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