Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
