I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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