just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
