Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
