wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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