I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
