Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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