So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
