I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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