You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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