if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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