My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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