is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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