while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
