If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Girls should come with a carfax report
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
