Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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