When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
