Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
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I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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