Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
