I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
