just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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