Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
