I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night