I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
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I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas