My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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