There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
