Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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