he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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