umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
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I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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