her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
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And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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