Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
