i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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