If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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