Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
