Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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