Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
