that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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