xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
