he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
