Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
