My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
