You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize