this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
