You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
