The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
