I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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