We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
