I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
