1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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