life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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